


Until the Flowers Bloom Again

by golden_kimono



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Jungkook is a student, M/M, Post-Break Up, Yoongi works, maybe some fluff, namjin in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-05-28 02:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15038738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_kimono/pseuds/golden_kimono
Summary: Once upon a time, he had fumbled with a jewellery box in his pocket and drunk too much wine to soothe his nerves, a grin nonetheless on Jeongguk's lips when Yoongi had rambled on about marriage validity and weddings abroad and oh god would Jeongguk please just reply already and save him the humiliation?Or: Yoongi has a little too much to drink at a wedding and gets to reminiscing, ultimately ending up in the last place he should be. Maybe.





	Until the Flowers Bloom Again

**Author's Note:**

> I started this a while back and figured I should at least try to finish it. >.>

Yoongi forced yet another smile on his lips when yet another slow song came on, with yet another view of giddy couples hitting the dance floor, his friend Jin throwing him a troubled look from over Namjoon's shoulder, the couple swaying rather than dancing in the midst of the sea of people. His smile slid off his face when Jin's face disappeared, blocked by someone else. He was fine. Peachy. Fucking perfect. Just tired, that’s all, because weddings were exhausting, and his energy always dropped when he was around too many people for too long anyway. He didn’t need Jin's worry – or perhaps it was pity, which was worse. Not that he didn’t appreciate the concern, but he wasn’t as fragile as his friends seemed to think and he felt more than a little offended at the thought.

He sighed softly and averted his gaze to the ceiling, with its pretty banners and fairy lights and a skylight to allow everyone to see the stars (a useless attempt in the city, but the sentiment was there and that had been sufficient for his brother and his new wife). Jeongguk had often complained about the Seoul nights, preferring the skies of Busan and having done his best to make Yoongi share his love, something that hadn’t taken much effort, though Yoongi would never admit it - and he'd certainly never admit it had more to do with Jeongguk's grin as he stared up at the moon and regaled him with a story of when he and Jimin had attempted to go skinny-dipping one summer night in high school, not taking into consideration the drop in temperature and screaming (Jimin) and swearing (Jeongguk) when they were chased out by the cold. Jeongguk's stories had become his own at some point, and as much as he wished and claimed he regretted it, he didn’t.

Once upon a time, he had fumbled with a jewellery box in his pocket and drunk too much wine to soothe his nerves, that same grin nonetheless on Jeongguk's lips when Yoongi had rambled on about marriage validity and weddings abroad and oh god would Jeongguk please just reply already and save him the humiliation? Jeongguk had teased him ("So awkward, Yoongi"), but had ultimately put him out of his misery with a soft smile and an even softer "of course it’s yes, you idiot".

Grabbing another glass of champagne, Yoongi decided that getting drunk might be the best plan for the night. Not _too_ much so, he didn’t want to be completely hammered at a _wedding_ , especially if he was going home alone (he knew Namjoon and Jin would be more than willing to drop him off, and Hoseok might even come pick him up, seeing how he had even offered to come along in the first place; not wanting to be a bother and well aware that Hoseok had an upcoming showcase to attend to, he had declined). Worse than going home, though, was _being_ there.

Yoongi worked hard and worked much, and as a result he'd always had a hard time making his home a home. Jeongguk had swept in with his little knick knacks, had insisted on putting up pictures of them, of their friends, of their parents instead of the landscape photos Yoongi had mostly limited himself to, and had kept it tidy so it no longer looked like a war zone filled with crumpled-up paper and empty takeout boxes and clothes tossed about because Yoongi often got too caught up to actually do some washing. He had looked out for him, texting him when he was taking too long in the studio and dropping by with food when he missed dinner, and eventually they had converted the second bedroom – a tiny thing that had been used for storing boxes – into a small studio so he didn’t need to be away from home as often. When he wasn’t wearing his headphones, he'd sometimes be able to hear Jeongguk putter about, yelling at his video games or working on uni assignments, or he'd hear the laughter of him and his friends (though admittedly Jimin and Taehyung could be loud enough that he'd occasionally hear them even with headphones on).

In return, he had learned to set alarms while he was working so he could check up on Jeongguk when he was at dance practice – not in a possessive boyfriend kind of way, but simply to make sure he’d eaten and taken breaks, something they were both terrible at when it came to themselves. He had even set notifications on his phone for important events, as Jeongguk could be dreadful at keeping track, and for several weeks (months?) after they had stopped seeing each other, he had received messages for dentist appointments, a reminder to buy Jeongguk’s mother a birthday present, the beginning of Jeongguk’s exams. Once, Hoseok had seen his phone light up with a notification relating to their upcoming anniversary (‘book lamb skewer restaurant’), his lips turning down fast. He had quietly offered to remove the remaining notifications and Yoongi had let him, not wanting his friend’s bright smile to disappear because of him, his fingers twitching as those last connections were swiped away.

Watching his new sister-in-law laugh in exhilaration at one of her husband’s exaggerated dance moves, Yoongi felt a twinge in his chest. As much as he was happy for the newlyweds, he couldn’t help but recall how close they had been. They had discussed the basics: Yoongi had suggested New York, as he had always loved that city, while Jeongguk had tentatively shown him pictures of Europe. Right from the start they had agreed that they wanted a fairly simple ceremony, knowing their marriage would be symbolic rather than anything else in Korea anyway, though regardless of that they had known they’d need time to save up money. Which hadn’t been a problem, seeing how they had wanted to wait for Jeongguk’s graduation anyway – something which was now very close. According to Hoseok, who had kept in touch with both of them (yet shared only minimal information and only after Yoongi’s insistent prodding), he was doing well. Well enough.

It wasn’t that Yoongi himself was doing badly, per se. He got lonely at times, the echoes of Jeongguk’s laughter, the memories of his moans sometimes hard to bear, and he avoided his cold home more frequently than before, but he hadn’t shut himself off from the world (something Jin had been afraid of, if his initial daily visits had been any indication) or shied away from meeting people. He still worked, and if he’d had a bit of a writer’s block, then that was no rare occurrence. He was coping, he thought, on his way to moving on.

Yet in moments like these, surrounded by so many grinning couples, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to bunny teeth and shining eyes. His brother hadn’t announced his wedding until after the break-up, which meant there had never been any plans for them to go together, yet he could perfectly picture Jeongguk beside him, tugging at the collar of his suit in discomfort, trying to convince Yoongi to join him on the dance floor and most likely ultimately succeeding. After all, he had always been excellent at getting Yoongi to do things he otherwise might not, like signing up for a class on bees (an idea originally proposed by Taehyung, which had turned out surprisingly fun and informative), participating in a dance workshop he had been quite successful at, to everyone’s shock, and agreeing that splitting up was the best decision.

Scowling down at his empty glass, he reminded himself that he was here for his brother, for his new sister, and that he should stop being such a downer. If he wanted to be sad, he’d have plenty of time later. More than enough, in fact, his stomach churning at the realisation. One of his aunties was here, divorced, yet she hadn't seemed bitter even once, had even danced with the groom at one point (granted, it had been a few years for her, but even so, Yoongi felt like a failure in comparison). The worst part so far had been his grandmother casually asking about Jeongguk ("Such a handsome boy, how is he doing now? Has he been well? Do you still speak to him?"). She had only meant well, and it was hardly her fault that she had fallen for his charms - Yoongi had done the same - but that had been the moment he’d turned from the sporadic Jeongguk-related thoughts to an existential crisis of sorts, with no way to ignore the memories and vague images of a future that could have been.

He accepted another drink and spotted his brother gazing in his direction, eyes narrowed pensively, and he shot him a quick smile to prove just how fantastic everything was, because he refused to ruin what should be a special day. What _was_ a special day. When his brother merely furrowed his eyebrows, he downed his drink as fast as he could before making his way over the bride and, bowing to her, requesting a dance. She let out a surprised laugh and tilted her head at her husband, who shrugged and patted Yoongi on the back with a smile, teasingly telling him to please not step on her toes too much.

Sana was truly lovely. Not merely in looks, though she was certainly pretty, but in the way even Yoongi had felt at ease around her from the start. She had offered quiet support when she’d heard about Jeongguk, but had always understood very quickly when it was best to leave him be, never pushing him, instead distracting him with the silliest of things.

"You’re too good for my brother," he sighed, lips twitching when she laughed and shoved him.

"Perhaps I should run off with you instead," she teased, grinning over at her husband, who, judging by the look on his face, had overheard her, for he was glaring jokingly.

Yoongi chuckled and held her a little closer, pushing aside the desire for a taller, somewhat broader body in his arms, with hard angles rather than soft curves. He had always assumed that, if he and Jeongguk were to break up, it would be explosive, a blaze of fucking glory, as it were, yet in the end it had been more of a light fizzle. There had been no big fights, no giant build-up, they simply hadn’t worked out, had fallen out of love. Though it didn't always feel that way.

When the song ended, he thanked Sana for the dance and the many laughs she had caused during it. She hugged him in reply, then patted his behind when he left to find his friends. "And don't be a stranger!" she called after him before being swept up by one of her friends (Momo, Yoongi believed she was called) for another dance. He waved politely, even though he knew he’d have to see her again before he went home anyway - his brother would likely beat his ass if he didn't say goodbye. Not that it mattered: there was still plenty of alcohol to keep him here.

"Yoongi, are you alright?" Jin asked kindly when he finally found them - of course they’d chosen a table in an obscure corner - and flopped down in an empty chair.

Yoongi hummed and twisted in his seat to find another waiter. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" he asked, nearly scoffing at the notion. He nodded in thanks when he received another glass of wine. "What have you two been up to? Not hooking up in a bathroom somewhere, I hope?"

Namjoon started coughing, while Jin angrily hissed " _Yoongi!_ " and slapped his arm. "You know we wouldn't," he huffed, glaring meaningfully and almost making Yoongi grin at the memory of wandering hands and wet lips on his neck (a younger Jeongguk had been a horny Jeongguk). "And you know very well why we’re asking."

Of course he knew. Jin was a worrier, after all. Namjoon tended to assume people could look after themselves, unless they clearly couldn't or told him so, but he cared about his friends and he knew Yoongi better than most. And the fact that they _were_ such good friends was exactly why he didn't want to tell them.

"I’ll be fine, I promise," he finally said, softly and reassuringly. "Things are just a little difficult right now, but I’ve been doing okay, remember, and I’ll be back to normal tomorrow."

Although he was clearly sceptical, Jin pursed his lips and, after a soft sigh, nodded his head to show he’d leave it be for now. "Speaking of difficult: Namjoon nearly broke the ice sculpture earlier." He narrowed his eyes playfully. "You’d think by now he’d have learned to be more careful."

"I _was_ careful!" Namjoon protested.

"Destruction is simply a part of him," Yoongi stated solemnly. “You knew what you were getting into when he broke the bathroom door on your first date.” They had never returned to the restaurant after, which was a shame, since Jin had genuinely loved the food and sometimes wistfully mentioned the many missed opportunities to try the rest of the menu.

Namjoon groaned and rubbed his temples, looking like he regretted being here more than anything. “You’ll never let me live this down, will you?”

“No,” Yoongi promptly replied, while Jin shook his head in agreement, grinning fondly. He spotted another waiter and quickly downed his glass, eager for another. At his friends’ raised eyebrows, he could only shrug his shoulders. “I’m in the mood for drinking. Sue me.”

“Thank god you have a high tolerance,” Jin mumbled, sipping from his own drink. “Don’t drink _too_ much, please, I don’t particularly feel like tucking you in bed.”

Yoongi waved off his concerns. Drinks were part of the wedding experience, right? It wasn’t like he planned to get plastered; he knew what he was doing.

*******

He had no idea what he was doing. He stared at the door in front of him dumbly, unsure how he’d even gotten here. At some point during the night he had lost sight of his friends, despite their best efforts to stick to his side, and he had stumbled into a taxi after bidding his brother and sister-in-law goodbye, stupidly giving an address he knew he shouldn’t have.

Now here he was. He was pretty sure he had already knocked, though at this point, who could tell? For good measure, he knocked once more, at least being of sound enough mind not to ring the doorbell at three in the morning. Or, well, it might be three. It had been last time he checked, whenever that had been. Either way, it was late - or early, depending on your perspective.

It took a few more moments for him to hear shuffling on the other side of the door, followed by a long pause before the door opened and Yoongi was faced with Jeongguk for the first time in forever. He inhaled sharply, the messy hair and bloodshot eyes - it looked as though he had been staying up playing video games again - doing nothing to diminish how gorgeous he was, his sweats somehow more attractive than any suit Yoongi had seen today. It wasn’t as though he had forgotten what Jeongguk looked like, but having him here, right in front of him, was like a punch to his gut. The little mole under his mouth, the blemishes on his jaw after a recent breakout, the scar on his cheekbone, they all made him so much more real and so much more beautiful.

“Hyung?” A mixture of confusion and concern dripped from Jeongguk’s voice and Yoongi nearly cried at the sound of it. He still had some videos of the two of them, courtesy of friendly hangouts, and Jeongguk had helped him out with vocals for his songs at times, but he hadn’t heard him _properly_ in ages. In real life. Raw. Vaguely, he realised he must be more drunk than he thought if this was almost enough to reduce him to tears, but he shoved that thought aside and stumbled forward, closer to an alarmed Jeongguk.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” He looked him up and down, eyes lingering on the suit, the undone tie, and wrinkled his nose at the smell of alcohol. “Are you… Are you _drunk_?” His tone was almost incredulous, though Yoongi supposed it was rare for him to reach this state, at least to this extent.

“My brother got married,” Yoongi blurted out, noting the way Jeongguk’s eyes widened a fraction. “Today. He got it- he got married, today. You weren’t there.” Jeongguk remained silent, watching him warily. “Should’ve been there. Wanted it. You.”

“Yoongi hyung…” Jeongguk’s voice was soft, his gaze conflicted. “You really shouldn’t be here.”

“Why, someone with you?” Yoongi leaned in and tried to peer around Jeongguk, nearly falling over in the process. God, it must be because he was more than tipsy, but the thought of Jeongguk with someone else made him feel slightly sick. Or perhaps that was simply all the wine and whatever he’d been served towards the end.

“Not apart from my roommates,” Jeongguk answered with a sigh, seemingly exasperated. “You should go home, hyung. I’ll call Hobi hyung or something, maybe he can pick you up, because I don’t think you should be on your own.”

Yoongi shook his head, which hurt, so he grimaced and rubbed the side of it. A small voice told him he’d regret this in the morning, though it wasn’t loud enough to make him listen. “No. We should, we should talk. You and I. ‘m not gonna leave.”

Jeongguk sighed again and rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes in annoyance. “You’re drunk, we’re not doing this right now.” He poked his tongue into his cheek and stared at Yoongi contemplatively for seemingly hours before stepping back. “Get in, you can sleep on the couch.” When Yoongi hesitated, Jeongguk huffed and grasped his arm, tugging him inside, careful not to jostle him too much.

Yoongi glanced around, taking in the cute and sometimes bizarre decorations, most likely courtesy of Jimin and Taehyung, whom Jeongguk had moved in with. He tried to speak, but Jeongguk shushed him, telling him his friends were asleep and he didn’t want them to wake up. Yoongi swayed on his feet as Jeongguk quickly made up the couch, throwing a pillow down on it and spreading out the blanket he had been using himself, _Overwatch_ still paused on the TV screen. Sluggishly, he waddled over and plopped down, staring up at Jeongguk blearily.

“I’ll leave you some painkillers and water,” Jeongguk whispered as he tugged off Yoongi’s shoes and pulled the blanket over him. “There’s another blanket on the back in case you get cold during the night. Try to get some sleep, okay? We can talk in the morning.”

Unable to do more than hum in response, Yoongi felt himself drifting off when Jeongguk pattered over to the kitchen, probably for the water he’d promised. He was asleep before Jeongguk returned.

When he next woke up, it was to find Taehyung watching him, a bowl of cereal in his hands. Startled, Yoongi attempted to sit up, groaning in pain when he did so.

“You should probably take those,” Taehyung stated, nodding over to the pills on the table, accompanied by some water. “Don’t worry, it’s fresh, Jeonggukie put it there before he left.” He shovelled some more cereal into his mouth and offered Yoongi a friendly smile. “How are you doing, hyung?”

“Kind of shitty,” Yoongi grumbled, embarrassment flooding him as he remembered last night. What had he been thinking? “Jeongguk left?”

Taehyung hummed and swallowed. “Said he’d get you a hangover cure. Like you used to make us, remember?” His eyes softened as he looked Yoongi over, a pleading look in his eyes Yoongi didn’t quite understand. “Hey… Sorry we didn’t keep in touch. Jimin and I talked about it a lot, because we missed you, but it felt weird, you know? Especially with Jeongguk living here and all, we didn’t want to put you in an awkward position.”

Yoongi offered him what he hoped was a reassuring smile and finally took the painkillers, knocking them back with the cold water. He stuck out his tongue after, the bitter taste always unpleasant, and met Taehyung’s sincere eyes, feeling oddly warm at the idea of Jeongguk’s friends missing him. “Don’t worry about it, I didn’t contact you either.” He paused to clear his throat and averted his gaze to the blanket, his head still throbbing and his mouth feeling disgusting. “I missed you guys too,” he mumbled, half hoping he hadn’t been heard, but the grin on Taehyung’s face told him differently. “It’s been nice and quiet without you, though,” he added quickly, only making Taehyung’s smile widen.

“Let’s fix that,” Taehyung insisted. He glanced behind him when there were footsteps, and Yoongi followed his stare, his heart rate picking up even though he knew it couldn’t be Jeongguk, as he’d be coming through the front door. Instead, it was Jimin, who looked sleepy and soft, suddenly making Yoongi wonder about the time, and who stopped in his tracks when he spotted Yoongi.

“Wha-”

“He spent the night!” Taehyung told him before Jimin could even finish his question. Jimin’s eyes widened comically, and Yoongi nearly choked on his own saliva.

“I slept on the couch,” he hurried to explain himself, grimacing at the taste in his mouth.

“He was drunk,” Taehyun added, scooting over so Jimin could sit beside him. “Jeongguk mentioned something about a wedding, but I haven’t asked him about it yet.”

“My brother got married,” Yoongi explained, “and I had a bit too much and ended up here.” ‘A bit’ was putting it lightly. Come to think of it, he should probably text his friends, but he’d rather wait till he knew a bit more about what the hell was going on. Though he supposed it wasn’t difficult: in his alcohol-induced daze, it had seemed like a brilliant idea to go visit his ex-boyfriend, who had been on his mind for most of the night. What didn’t make sense, though, was Jeongguk letting him in, letting him _stay_ , even looking after him. Hadn’t he mentioned the two of them talking in the morning? A wave of nausea only partly caused by his hangover swept over him. What could Jeongguk possibly want to say except perhaps “hey, d’you mind not dropping by here again, thanks”?

“Congratulations on your brother,” Taehyung said with a grin, Jimin nodding and smiling beside him. “Was it, erm… What was her name again?”

“Sana,” Yoongi provided. “And thank you.” An awkward silence followed, all of them clearly wondering what to say next. What _do_ you say in a situation like this anyway? He could only hope the painkillers would kick in soon, because the headache wasn’t helping his thoughts whatsoever. “Have you been doing alright?” he asked clumsily.

Jimin hummed his agreement. “We’re okay.” He glanced at Taehyung as though to check, seemingly satisfied when he received a nod in response. “Taehyung has actually joined our dance classes and Hoseok hyung has given me my own class to teach. It’s on a provisional basis, but,” his smile was both proud and bashful, “he said I’m doing a brilliant job so far.”

“That’s really great news,” Yoongi said, hoping his sincerity was clear. He knew how much Jimin had wished to be more than a teaching assistant. “And you, dancing classes?”

Taehyung shrugged, placing his now empty bowl on the table. “I had fun that time we all went, so now I go regularly. What about you, hyung?”

Yoongi leaned back, sinking into the couch carefully. Honestly, not much had changed for him and it felt almost shameful, even though it shouldn’t be and he knew they wouldn’t expect grand differences. “Same as always, really. I’m nearly done with my mixtape.” Okay, now that was something he was actually quite proud of, because he had worked hard on it and he had faith that it was good. Nowhere near good enough to publish just yet, but he wasn’t unhappy with it.

The two across from him seemed to light up at that, and he recalled how Jeongguk had once whispered to him that Taehyung especially was not-so-secretly a fan of Yoongi’s - and Namjoon’s - work. “I’ll let you know when it’s done,” he said gruffly. If nothing else, he could ask Hoseok to pass on the message.

“We’d like that,” Taehyung agreed.

“What about Namjoon hyung and Jin hyung?” Jimin asked next, leaning forward curiously. “Are they still together?”

Like anything could rip those two apart. Not that they had never fought; in fact, once Yoongi had been host to Namjoon after a particularly terrible argument, but they always made up in the end. They’d been going strong for so long that Yoongi believed that if they ever were to break up, he’d lose all hope in love, and he wouldn’t be the only one.

“Oh, they are,” Yoongi replied, noticing how Jimin seemed to relax at that. “They were at the wedding too, actually: Namjoon’s friends with my hyung and Jin hyung’s the one who introduced him to Sana.” He shifted on the couch, still uncomfortable, but slightly more at ease. “They’re thinking of moving to a bigger place soon.” They were making enough money that they could, and Jin had said they could do with more room, seeing how they both liked to collect and space was filling up fast.

How these three were managing in this flat was honestly surprising to Yoongi, since they seemed to own plenty. Of course a three-bedroom flat was bigger and they’d likely not mind the clutter. He took note of the tiger mug on the table, one he had gifted Taehyung a few years ago, and felt oddly warm inside to see it still being used. Part of him wondered if Jeongguk had kept any of his presents, yet he didn’t want to look and find out. What he did want was for Jeongguk to come home so they could get this talk behind them - or so he could thank him for letting him crash and then say goodbye.

“Hyung?”

Yoongi’s eyes landed on Jimin, who was chewing on his lip nervously, and he nodded encouragingly to let him know he could say what was on his mind.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, because we’re happy to see you, but… why are you here?”

Yoongi sighed before offering a grim smile as he provided them with the simplest answer. “People asked about him.” Judging by their faces, it was enough.

*******

Not wanting a depressing discussion regarding his lingering feelings for his ex-boyfriend - ex-fiancé, even - Yoongi had requested a shower shortly after breaching the subject, and Taehyung had been quick to direct him to the bathroom and hand him a towel while Jimin had dug up some clothes and shoved a toothbrush in his hand. In order to give him and Jeongguk some privacy, they had said they’d probably be gone by the time he’d be finished, and so they had left after hugging him tightly, their eyes soft in understanding, and with a promise to not let contact fade away this time.

Whether they’d keep that promise remained to be seen, but Yoongi appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. He _had_ missed them, they were some of the nicest people he’d ever met, and one of his only comforts immediately after the break-up had been that at least Jeongguk would be in good hands with them.

Once the water was pouring down his tired body, Yoongi thought back to their first meeting. Jeongguk had been in his first year of uni back then, fresh from Busan, having joined Jimin, who was just a little older. He had joined the dance group at Jimin’s request, a group Hoseok was part of as well, and when Yoongi had come to pick him up after practice one day, he had seen him. At the time, he had been in his last year and he had been taken immediately by the shy boy who was nonetheless fooling around with his friend when he thought no one was looking, a cheeky grin on his face.

Hoseok had, of course, noticed (subtlety had never been Yoongi’s strong point when he was smitten), and had introduced him. And there was no way Yoongi couldn't have fallen for him. Apart from the fact that he had the cutest and prettiest face Yoongi had ever seen, he had a strong, toned body, like he could throw Yoongi around yet also ask him to take over straight after. His personality was a paradox: insecure yet confident, passionate and silly, shy and quiet yet also loud and incredibly funny. He was sweet and mischievous, and despite the fact that he could be awkward about affection, he loved drowning Yoongi in it and demanding it for himself.

Sighing, Yoongi brushed his wet hair back and eyed the bottles in the shower. He’d love to say he had no idea which ones were Jeongguk’s, but he’d always loved fruity and flowery scents (another paradox: someone so strong smelled so soft), so it wasn't difficult to spot them. He glanced at the other ones, but after a moment’s hesitation, he grasped Jeongguk’s after all. In for a penny, in for a pound, right? He’d already messed up, so why stop now?

The fresh scent infiltrated his nose and made his heart clench and his stomach turn (partly due to the hangover), his head nearly screaming at him in protest at being forced up this long, which at least meant he would be fast so he could escape the shower and - well, smell of Jeongguk, in a home that exuded his energy. Fantastic. He tried not to think of the showers they'd shared together, and instead thought back to when they’d first started going out. Yoongi had been slow in making his move, wanting to make sure he wouldn't scare Jeongguk off, but Jeongguk’s expectant gaze every time they spoke in the hallways or before or after dance practice, followed by drooping shoulders whenever they simply said their goodbyes at the end, had eventually led to Seokjin encouraging him to ask for a date.

Their first date had consisted of bowling (Jimin had told him Jeongguk loved that) and lamb skewers (Yoongi’s favourite and a bit of a gamble, but Jeongguk’s little appreciative moans as he ate had made him more confident about his choice), and afterwards they had been walking home when it had started pouring it down. Jeongguk’s dorm had been closer and he had shyly invited Yoongi in so he could use his shower and warm up rather than travel across town to his own flat, through the dreadful weather. Nothing else had happened between them that night and Yoongi had even offered to return home, but instead they had watched some random videos on Jeongguk’s laptop until they had eventually fallen asleep on his bed. That morning had honestly not made things easier for Yoongi’s poor heart: Jeongguk had had creases on his cheek, his hair had been an absolute mess and his mouth had hung open in the most unflattering manner, yet he had looked so soft and when he had sleepily smiled up at Yoongi through half-open eyes, appearing almost drunk and certainly confused, Yoongi had felt his heart rate speed up and he had once, in an extremely sappy mood, told Namjoon that he didn't think it had ever slowed back down.

Eventually, he couldn't delay the inevitable any longer. Although he didn't know if Jeongguk was home yet, it seemed likely - after all, according to Taehyung he had only gone for some quick shopping - but was he truly ready to see him and talk to him? As he was brushing his teeth, he decided to text his friends as soon as possible. If not to soothe any concerns they might have, then at least to see if they could pick him up or… something.

Still towelling his hair dry while trying not to let his sweats slide down his hips - Jimin had a smaller waist, but his ass and thighs were much bigger than Yoongi’s, as these pants proved - Yoongi carefully stepped out into the hallway. He took a deep breath when he heard someone rummaging around in the kitchen and wished he could disappear into the walls. God, this was embarrassing. He was a grown man, someone who was mature enough to know not to bother ex-boyfriends in the middle of the night, drunk or not. He shouldn’t even have been drunk in the first place, what the hell had he been thinking? Pathetic, that was how he felt. He had subconsciously clung to a shred of hope and had, what, tried to win Jeongguk back? Great job, this would surely make a convincing point!

He lingered around in the corridor for a few more moments, then told himself to suck it up and entered the small kitchen. He inhaled sharply at Jeongguk’s slim form mixing together what Yoongi recognised as the hangover cure. It seemed as though he had been louder than expected, because Jeongguk turned around and offered him a small smile and nodded at the small kitchen table, which had been squeezed into the corner.

"Sit, I’ll finish this up and bring it your way."

Nodding appreciatively, Yoongi sank down onto one of the chairs, his eyes never leaving Jeongguk, who had already returned his attention to the frankly disgusting concoction. He folded up the towel and held it in his lap, not sure where it was meant to go and unable to bring himself to ask. God, when had things gotten this awkward between them? He remembered how stilted conversation had been between them after their first big fight, yet he’d take that over this any day.

"Here."

Yoongi blinked and glanced up, Jeongguk placing a glass containing a questionable substance before him. He recalled the first time he’d made this for Jeongguk, who had glared at him for at least an hour after drinking it, mumbling something about how Yoongi was clearly trying to poison him. He vaguely wondered if that was Jeongguk’s plan for him, then shook off that ridiculous thought and decided to gulp down the entire content at once, scrunching up his nose as it slid down his throat. He heard a chuckle and raised his eyebrows at Jeongguk, whose cheeks were a little rosy.

"How did you sleep?" Jeongguk asked kindly, avoiding Yoongi’s eyes now. He spotted the towel and got to his feet so he could take it from him. "I’ll put this away, be right back."

Yoongi hummed, drumming his fingers on the table as he awaited Jeongguk’s return. Asking a question and then leaving - not a good sign. As soon as Jeongguk came back, Yoongi cleared his throat and rubbed his neck. "I slept okay, by the way. Kind of conked out as soon as I lied down," he mumbled. "You?"

Jeongguk shrugged, smiling half-heartedly. "It was fine."

The uncomfortable silence that followed was nearly tangible. Of course it hadn't been fine. His ex had been asleep in the living room after showing up unannounced and completely hammered, how could he have possibly slept well? Or at all? Yoongi tried to resist the urge to huff in frustration, not wanting Jeongguk to think he was annoyed with him when instead he was angry with himself.

"Should we…" Jeongguk was staring down at the table intently, appearing lost. "Should we talk? Now? About…" He breathed out through his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "About last night, us, I don't know."

"Yeah, we probably should," Yoongi agreed, swallowing down the bile in his throat. He glanced around the kitchen, wondering if atmosphere and comfort even mattered at this point. "Here?"

Jeongguk shrugged his shoulders and scratched at his elbow. "Wherever. We could go into the living room, might be…" He paused, biting his lip before shrugging once more. "The seats are better, I guess, so…"

God, awkward, awkward, so very, very awkward. Yoongi made a soft noise and carefully followed Jeongguk, the both of them shuffling around before sitting down beside one another, their bodies angled towards each other. Yoongi noted how the blanket and pillow he had used had disappeared and wondered who had tidied up. Not that it mattered - they needed to talk, he reminded himself once more. Even though he couldn't quite imagine what they could discuss at this point, but perhaps he could find some closure. Finally.

"Why are you here?" Jeongguk blurted out at last, his expression pained. Clearly, he wasn't looking forward to this either. "You were rambling about a wedding? Your brother’s?"

Yoongi sighed and nervously started playing with his ear, noticing how Jeongguk’s eyes flickered over to the movement, no doubt recognising the gesture. "Yeah, he got married yesterday. I… I had too much to drink and, well, people talked about you, there. So, I guess… I felt like I needed to see you. You know? Or, I guess you don't know, sorry." He cut himself off then, admonishing himself for babbling even more nonsense. Wow, he wasn't making things better for himself, was he?

Nonetheless, Jeongguk’s eyes softened and his hands twitched like he wanted to reach out to him. "Hyung…"

"I’m sorry, I just…" Yoongi couldn't bear to hear what Jeongguk had to say just yet and tried to think of something, anything, that would make him look less sad. "My grandma - she kept going on about how amazing you are," Jeongguk smiled at that, having always gotten along with her, "and how much she misses you, and I… She said some things that made sense? And I suddenly realised I missed you too and that it could’ve been us instead of them." He cut himself off and breathed in deeply, suddenly scared that he had unknowingly pressured Jeongguk into marriage. "Was that why… Was it too soon?"

"Hyung, no!" Jeongguk’s pretty eyes widened and he quickly straightened up, waving his hands. "It was never about that! I want- I wanted it. I wouldn't have said yes otherwise."

Yoongi nodded slowly, feeling small. Good, that was… That was good. At least there was that much. As long as Jeongguk wasn't lying just to make him feel better. "I… I don't know, I never really understood what happened, I guess." He chuckled shyly and licked his lips, wishing he’d simply asked this at the time, but he had been too flabbergasted to do so, instead stupidly agreeing with Jeongguk and watching him pack up a bag so he could spend the night elsewhere, because it would’ve been even more painful if he had stuck around after that.

Jeongguk stuck his tongue in his cheek, one of his mannerisms Yoongi had missed a lot, even though he had a vague recollection of seeing it last night. "It seemed like the best idea at the time," he said at last. He opened his mouth, yet didn't speak, instead fixating on the floor. Yoongi waited patiently; the least he could do was let him explain at his own pace, he had caused enough trouble already. Eventually, Jeongguk swallowed. "I miss you, Yoongi hyung." His voice was small and he squirmed uncomfortably, like he hated admitting such a thing. "I felt… comfortable around you. There was no more spark, not like at first. Not… fireworks, if you get me." His eyes flickered up towards Yoongi as if to check if he did get it, so Yoongi nodded once to show his understanding.

"So," Jeongguk continued, "I thought that meant I’d fallen out of love and it wouldn't have been fair for you to be stuck with someone who didn't love you right, or for me to be with someone I saw more as a friend than a lover."

That made sense, Yoongi had to admit. It hurt to hear, but feelings could disappear and it was a valid reason to break things off; it was better than him not being good enough or than Jeongguk hating him. "I understand," he muttered. "I-"

"No, listen to me, please," Jeongguk said hurriedly, cutting Yoongi off. "That was what I thought, I thought love always came with that first excitement, but it doesn't. It's… when you transition from being in love to full-on love, things change. And we’d been together for long enough that I felt I could lounge around in sweats and with food on my face, whatever, because I didn't need to impress you anymore, not like that. I knew you wouldn't be scared off, but I thought that meant I saw you as a friend, but…" He groaned and let himself fall backwards, throwing his arms in front of his face.

"Jeongguk?" Yoongi asked hesitantly once a few moments had passed. "I didn't mean to interrogate you. Last night I realised I’m not as over you as I’d been telling myself so I showed up here, but I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. You fell out of love with me," he swallowed down the bile that had arisen at those words, because as understanding as he wanted to be, it wasn't easy, "and that's fine. Honest."

"No, hyung…" Jeongguk grunted and moved so he could look at Yoongi again, his cheeks red from either embarrassment or anger, it was hard to tell. "You don't get it, I _thought_ I had, but…" He glanced up at the ceiling and seemed to come to some sort of decision, a determined look on his face, though he curled into himself slightly. "Do you have any idea how often I’ve wanted to contact you? I’ve asked Hobi hyung about you so often I think I drove him crazy, and he never even told me much. I figured you’d moved on and I felt like I should too, and sometimes I thought I had, but then you showed up last night and I- I ended up spending most of the night thinking about you and us and what you might want and even though I hated that you had to be drunk to come see me, I was happy…" He played with his fingers and threw a half-smile Yoongi’s way. "I didn't fall out of love, I fell out of being in love, because it had grown deeper and more, but I misunderstood."

He gazed into Yoongi’s eyes intently, and Yoongi could feel the anxious pounding of his heart. Was he processing all this correctly? "What are you saying?" he asked cautiously, not wanting to get his hopes up.

"I messed up," Jeongguk said softly, eyeing Yoongi’s hands like he wanted to hold them, something he used to do when he needed to calm down or when Yoongi needed to. "I lo- I think- I still-"

Yoongi chose to save him from himself and placed his fingers on Jeongguk’s wrist, smiling over at him gently. "I care about you too, Jeongguk-ah."

Jeongguk whined and hung his head, though he did twist his hand around so they could link their fingers together. "I still want you," he said so quietly that Yoongi had to lean in to hear him properly. "But I don't know if we could go back to how we were."

Yoongi had to agree. They’d been together for years before being apart for quite some time; they couldn't simply fall back into a relationship. Everything had gone so smoothly during their run, they had moved from friends to boyfriends to being engaged so naturally, with a few bumps here and there, but they had always gravitated towards each other. However, this was different: throwing a break-up into the mix complicated everything.

"If we were to try again," Yoongi said pensively, "we should probably take it slow. That is, if we even want to."

"I want to," Jeongguk rushed to say, squeezing Yoongi’s hand tightly. "Unless you don't want to."

A stupid question. He had always had a hard time denying Jeongguk anything and his own heart was begging for another chance to be close to this beautiful man and to be able to love him again, to hold and to kiss him, and he wished he could say ‘fuck it’ and jump back in, but that would be a terrible idea. They might have changed while they were apart and they needed to rebuild what had been broken. "I’ll always want to," Yoongi confirmed, smiling when Jeongguk did. God, how he had missed that smile.

Yoongi took in Jeongguk’s form as a silence - not uncomfortable this time - fell between them once again. He seemed to have more muscle, but the way he held himself showed he was still the adorable bunny that had stolen his heart. Jeongguk seemed to be looking him over in return and Yoongi hoped he didn't disappoint too much, though the way Jeongguk’s eyes lingered on his collarbones and his thighs made him feel that perhaps he didn't need to be too concerned. Now he could only hope their personalities still added up.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Yoongi muttered, an old, familiar heat stirring in the pit of his stomach, "but I should probably text Hoseok. He could pick me up, since I’m not really up to taking a train or a taxi."

Jeongguk seemed to deflate before him and pointed over to where he had plugged in Yoongi’s phone. "I figured it was dead, so…" He forced a smile. "You really want to leave that badly?"

Okay, yes, this one was on him - the worst possible timing in the world. But he was exhausted and he had a deadline to meet for right after the weekend, so he needed to go home. Besides: "If we want to do this slowly, I should probably go." He was about three seconds away from kissing the soul out of him and since it had been so long, would he be able to resist trying to take things further? They had never been great at self-control when it came to this, and Jeongguk seemed to know it too, for he was now smiling sheepishly. "But trust me, I don't want to leave," he added just in case. "If I thought it was a good idea, I’d stay for as long as you’d have me."

They stared for a while longer, then Yoongi cleared his throat and Jeongguk shifted backwards, allowing Yoongi to get his phone and reply to a few messages (there was one from Jin, asking if he’d gotten home alright, from Namjoon, if he was okay and if he was free soon to meet up, and two from Hoseok, to ask about the wedding and to ask if he’d truly gotten drunk). He replied to Hoseok last and asked him to pick him up from Jeongguk’s, promising to tell him the entire story later. He ignored the insistent buzzing of his phone after and moved back over to Jeongguk instead, sitting down beside him again and taking his time to figure out what to say.

"I don't know if you still have my number," Yoongi smiled when Jeongguk nodded, oddly pleased with that knowledge, "but if you text me, or ring me, we could arrange to meet up."

Jeongguk seemed to perk up at that and grinned so widely his cheeks bunched up and his eyes crinkled adorably, his bunny-like features tugging on Yoongi’s heartstrings as they always had done. "Like a date?" he asked curiously, eagerly.

Fuck, how he wanted to squeeze him so badly. Jeongguk’s reaction was similar to when he’d asked him out on their first date and he’d barely restrained himself from kissing him then and there, a similar sentiment to now. "Exactly like a date," he replied. "Best to start there, right? See if we’re still compatible."

"Yeah…" Jeongguk shuffled closer, his hands between his legs, looking up at Yoongi through his fringe. "This isn't going too fast, is it?"

Honestly, Yoongi couldn't tell. Perhaps it was, or perhaps this made perfect sense for them. They could probably stand to talk more, yet at the same time, there didn't seem to be a need. Slowly starting over could be sufficient. "Not if it works for us," he therefore answered. It was odd to think that just last night he had never imagined this outcome and it still didn't feel real. "But we could wait, if that makes you more comfortable."

Jeongguk promptly shook his head. "No, I… I want to try. Even if it’s just as friends at first." He pursed his lips and pressed their knees together. "It’s weird, isn’t it? I bet our friends will be surprised." Oh, Yoongi bet they would be. "Unless you think we shouldn’t tell them?"

"No, it’s probably best if we do," Yoongi said quickly. He had a feeling Jin especially would be highly offended, as would Jimin if Jeongguk didn't share this development. Plus, he had already promised Hoseok an explanation. "As long as they know this doesn't mean we’re back to how we were." The last thing he needed was invitations to double dates or movie nights with all of them - not yet, just in case.

Jeongguk hummed in agreement. In the pause that followed, Yoongi hooked his pinky around Jeongguk’s, making his lips twitch upwards. He couldn't help the way his eyes fell to Jeongguk’s lips and stayed there. Bad idea, very bad idea, this had been exactly why he’d messaged Hoseok. He shook himself from his thoughts and attempted to ignore how Jeongguk’s eyes had darkened.

"I, erm, I should probably get my clothes," he said quickly, before he could do something stupid, like kiss the beauty mark underneath Jeongguk’s lips. "You know, so I’m prepared for Hobi. Don't want to keep him waiting."

"I’ll do it," Jeongguk offered. "Are they still in the bathroom? You could get your phone and your other things, I don't know what you had on you."

To be honest, Yoongi didn't either; he sure hoped he hadn't forgotten his keys in the venue or the taxi. If he’d even taken a taxi, because it might have been a bus. He agreed anyway and watched Jeongguk leave the room before gathering together what he hoped was everything: his keys and his wallet had disappeared under the table (how? he was sure he usually placed them in his pocket) and of course there was his phone, still charging. He unplugged it and glanced at the amount of notifications before pocketing it. Most were from Hoseok anyway, and he could answer all his questions soon enough.

"Here you go." Jeongguk reappeared with his suit, every item folded neatly. "You can return what you’re wearing whenever, no rush. But if you want to rush, I won't mind. I mean, you can drop by. If you want."

Yoongi grinned at the sight of his blush. Too cute. "I do want," he assured him. They were still smiling at each other stupidly when there was a knock on the door.

"Must be Hobi," Yoongi offered unhelpfully, holding up his - Jimin’s - sweats so he could put his shoes back on, wincing at how uncomfortable they were on his feet. He hated dress shoes with a passion. He accepted his clothing from Jeongguk, who now moved to open the door, revealing a confused and clearly conflicted Hoseok on the other side, who looked between the two of them curiously as he wished them good morning.

"Thanks for picking him up," Jeongguk said as Yoongi squeezed past him, and Yoongi could swear he felt Jeongguk’s hand stroke along his hip.

Hoseok smiled and shrugged, clearly bursting to ask them what on earth had happened yet trying his hardest to resist, though Yoongi could say with absolute certainty that he’d force the answers out of him later. "No problem. Everything okay here?"

Yoongi stopped outside the door and caught Jeongguk’s eye, smiling softly. "Yeah. We’re good."

Hoseok stared between them again, then nodded slowly and stepped back. "Right… Let’s go then, and Jeongguk, I’ll see you soon."

"Yeah, see you!" Jeongguk replied, watching Hoseok walk off with a wave, most likely to give them a chance for a private goodbye.

"Thank you for letting me in," Yoongi mumbled, pulling a face at the idiocy he did remember of himself. "I don't know if I would’ve done the same." A blatant lie, and Jeongguk seemed to know it too, for he gave him a _look_. "Message me when you're ready."

Jeongguk nodded firmly, paused, then leaned in to leave a fleeting kiss on Yoongi’s mouth, his face flushing bright red when he pulled back. He took one look at Yoongi’s surprised face and mumbled a goodbye before slamming the door shut. That was… unexpected. But welcome. Yoongi couldn't help the smile on his face, and it hadn't decreased in size by the time he caught up with Hoseok, who simply raised his eyebrows.

Once they’d gotten in the car and driven off, Hoseok loudly cleared his throat. "So. What was that all about? Did you have sex? Are you back together? What is it?"

Yoongi snorted and covered his mouth, feeling bashful. "No sex. I got drunk, missed him, he let me crash in the living room and we talked in the morning. We’re not… together. Not yet. But… we want to see if we can start over. Slowly."

"Hm…" Hoseok tapped the steering wheel thoughtfully. "If that’s what you want, then I’ll support you." He glanced over at Yoongi and threw him a quick smile to show that he wasn't upset (though Yoongi could imagine he might be concerned; after all, no one knew what would happen just yet). "You were always good together, so if it works out, then good for you."

"Thanks…" Yoongi contemplated elaborating, perhaps even mention the random peck he’d received right before leaving, but then his phone buzzed in his pocket, distracting him, hoping it was- Jeongguk.

_bowling on saturday??_

Yoongi bit his lip to contain his smile, though he doubted he was doing a very good job, and typed back a reply.

_lamb skewers after?_

What better to start over than with the beginning? His phone buzzed again.

_perfect :)_

**Author's Note:**

> I know getting back together can be difficult, but I speak from personal experience when I say that sometimes, it happens shockingly fast and easily (at least their intent is to take their time). It's an open ending in that you could of course believe they'll never work out again, but in my head they do. ❤


End file.
